Date:    Mon, 20 Sep 1999 08:42:48 -0400
From:    Original Attribution Unknown
Subject: FW: Things you'd love to say at work

THINGS YOU'D LOVE TO SAY AT WORK

And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?

Do I look like a people person?

This isn't an office. It's hell with fluorescent lighting.

I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.

Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

If I throw a stick, will you leave?

Does your train of thought have a caboose?

A PBS mind in an MTV world.

Allow me to introduce my selves.

Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.

See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.

Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.

Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.

I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

Can I trade this job for what's behind door 1?

Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

Chaos, panic, and disorder-my work here is done.

How do I set a laser printer to stun?

I can only please one person per day. Today is not  your day.  Tomorrow is
not looking good either.

I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as
they go flying by.

Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.

Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they aren't there the
first time, chances are you won't need them again.

I don't have an attitude problem; you have a perception problem.

Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level, then beat
you with experience.

A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.

Don't be irreplaceable-if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.

When bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking
about themselves.

If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit; no use being a damn
fool about it.

There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when
the boss asks for a ride home from the office.

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he/she is
supposed to be doing.