Sept 18 ,1997                               
NOW WE KNOW
  No. Meet us down at the TOP of the hill.
2:08 am
    --- Yesterday I woke up at 6:30 pm. When I say yesterday, I mean the 24 hour period ending a little over 2 hours ago. When your sleep phases swing around like this, and you wake up at 6 pm one day and go to sleep at 9 am the next day, terms like "yesterday" and "tomorrow" get all out of order. Tomorrow can mean today or tomorrow. Yesterday can mean yesterday or the day before that. It depends on whether you measure days by the calendar or by your personal active cycles. I go back and forth between the perspectives, which wrecks any meaning that consistency might bring to my words. (I mean the words yesterday and today, and not anything really deep or philosophical.) (If I ever decide to be deep and philosophical, I'll switch to some swooshy olde english font)

    Oh yes. I totally forgot to eat again during most of today (which may have something to do with the fact that I was asleep during most of today) so I went to Denny's around midnight for break-unch-inner. During this time I was getting pretty grouchy, so a lot of the sarcastic stuff I normally say inside my head was being broadcast outside my head. In the old days, I used to announce these things freely, without a second thought. I got to be known as "that sarcastic guy". When people started being uncomfortable not knowing whether I was being sarcastic or not when talking to them, I decided that I would no longer say everything out loud. This has been, for the most part, a good idea. Keep in mind that I only really said much of anything when I was around my very close friends. Alienating your very close friends is a Bad Thing.

  What else starts with C?
    --- I'm hungry. I'm going to QFC now. The night crew is starting to recognize me. A couple days ago as I watched the night manager run my purchases across the laser scanner, he started talking to me. "So, you just get off work?" he asked. My mind raced furiously. What does he want? Why is he asking? Does he not trust my money (it was late)? Not wanting to explain that I was unemployed and that I come home that late because my friends are all nocturnal and the last bus goes up to Jackson Park at 12:50 am, I lied: "Yeah." I immediately felt completely stupid. Why did I just say that? What did I hope to gain by lying? Now I was going to have to lie some MORE to avoid looking even stupider. He spoke again. "Where do you work?" Um, um, um...I don't know. No, that's a terrible answer. How about my old workplace? Yeah! I can cover my butt easily if he reports me to the CIA. "GST Internet.." I replied, my voice wavering. "Oh, so you're on the Internet!" he concluded. Whew. That's a conversation stopper if I ever heard one, so I stopped. "See yuh." I grabbed my plastic bag by its anti-ergonomic handle-holes and stepped through the sliding radar-activated doors.

    Of course, the lying was was completely reflexive. I don't LIKE being unemployed. I feel a little like it reflects on my worth and reason for existing. If I don't have a job, I'm not too unlike the kids who beg for change on University Way. I WANT to be unlike them.

    Once I went to this water park in the city, where they had big long water slides, and that was the day I learned about fire ants. - Brian

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9-17-97 Sept 9-19-97

©copyright 1997 Andrew Denyes. Opinions expressed are mine. Everything else is true.