How dreadfully ironic for those who have to stay awake 24 hours a day because they work in a place called a NAP. Fortunately, I work in no such facility, and can go to sleep whenever I choose.

Today's invention idea: Aerosol Milk. Aerosol milk is the most modern way yet developed to apply a film of milk to just about anything. Cookies too big to fit in the glass? A 1-2 second spray will give them that "just dunked" taste! Cereal gets mushy quick? Apply milk to only the top layer, refreshing it as you eat. For more extreme cases of soggability, you may wish to mist each spoonful of cereal as it travels towards your mouth, for maximum crunch contrast. In a race and can't afford to slow down for a drink? Have a spray of colorectal cancer preventing milk while at full speed!

It needs a clever name, though. Fat-omizer? Dairy-sol? Naah. I'm sure SOMEONE has a good idea. Better than "Spilk", anyway.

I choose to now go to sleep!

No, now. Now! No......now!

Okay, there were other inventions here, including the lawn clock and remote controlled pens, but the big invention on my desk locked up while I was messing with this (44Khz zipped mp3) and so they don't exist anymore. Ah, the transience of data. Like a personality given to electricity. Blah blah the future blah blah monumentally thrilled etc etc I forget what I wrote.