Nope. That's not it. I'm just feeling grouchy, I guess. Chemical thing. I'm somewhat annoyed that my state of mind is influenced by something as stupidly simple as the presence or absence of chemicals in my brain. That may be one reason why I don't use psychoactive drugs. It takes all the fun out of the game. Like opening life up in a hex editor and changing a value that controls my behavior from 25 to FF. Heh. Or zero. My disbelief isn't suspending very well to begin with.

Recently, Julie noted how often our little group (the band, mostly) ridicules "goths". I don't do it much myself, but Brian especially does, and I guess Kris does too. Anyway, it's fun and funny because all of us seem to wear nothing but black all the time anyway. True, we don't wear poet shirts or big cloaks. Goths are very stylish and sometimes nice to look at, occasionally intriguing to think about. The part of that sub-culture that annoys me is the big ego snob attitude (based mostly on exploiting a fashionable alienation. -J. Vasquez). There are those who take it as a big in-joke, hamming it up. Well, if you are so disdainful of your social status, money, and friends that you would bring them in on your joke, what's the difference between the joke and deadly seriousness? Do you have a value you haven't brought into it with you? Acting sane and doing what is expected is a big joke too, no? Well anyway, making fun of people because they make fun of other people is a lot like punching myself in the head. You want to know when I started with the black? 7th grade. Want to know why? I hated bees, and they were attracted to bright colors.

Bleah, after using a label like "goths" in its stereotypical capacity I always feel like I've eaten a bowl of grease. Yech yech yech get it out. Pehaps down to JITB for the new Goth-Jack. OR to McD for a McGoth Burger. Sit down to a bowl of Gothieos (little black tears that get soggy and turn the milk grey). Buy the new black care bear, "Empty Heart Bear". I think the Cleopatra "Goth Box" sharply images my bile in the liner notes; one passage says something like "You may distinguish who the REAL Goths are by putting on Bauhaus' Bela Lugosi's Dead and watching to see who moves first. Those stick taps are like heroin to a junkie." I wonder how many people took that seriously, and how seriously. Considering that is like a barbed auger drilling into my skull.

Ho ho, that was a good joke, Cleopatra.

This woman, ugh...she could break sunlight with her face. -Ed