DRIVE THROUGH

20:54

I'm so broke, even my ass is broke:

Like milk and coke, my state of mind yesterday as compared to today is so completely unsimiliar that I find it hard to believe it has only been one day. What's happened NOW is that I've called the unemployment insurance people and found out that I seem to almost qualify for cash-getting. There is no severence pay law in WA, so it's pretty much up to the employer, how they want to handle their rejects. The old company has been having a sort of "let's set our bridges on fire because it's pretty" attitude towards my dismissal, so I'm probably going to deal with them as little as possible from now on. Aw shucks, I don't get to trek down to Pioneer Square and walk through pee draining into the gutter while trying not to get lice on me. I've made arrangements that will keep me alive, at least, and in this house, even. And I only have to give up stuff that I wasn't using anyway.

Things that have gone away permanently recently:

• Girlfriend of a year+
• Dad
• Job
• Halogen Light (bits of charred metal coming out not a good sign for fixability)
• New sound card's line input (this makes it useful for 80% of what I got it for. Returning.)

I don't feel like I'm being punished. Instead, I think I'm being positioned. You know how you have to strip away all the old software, drivers, and support libraries to make way for new hardware or a new operating system? That's what I feel like. Because of the loss of my Dad, I had to realize absolute responsibility for my well being. Those people that had put me above all things won't be around to help me when homph comes to bomph. The only thing I can do for my Dad now is to be a credit to his name, which I fully intend to become. My girlfriend going away was definately making way for someone else. I didn't know it, though. My job? I didn't like that job much anyway. And the pay wasn't super great. I mean, it was super-great for what I expected that I would be making at this time. (I always thought I would be making 50K straight out of college. In a way, I was. It's just that I have no degree.) It isn't the best I can get, though. My halogen light and sound card? Erm... maybe those are just contributing to an atmosphere of adversity. Yeah. To help the mood.

But am I one of those people that is crushed by pressure, or do I only begin to press back when there's something to push against? Possibly. I'm pretty susceptible to stagnation in a stable situation. Did I do this to myself? I guess I sort of did.

I can't wait for an interview. Any interview. I have never been more prepared.