5-24-2002 2:03 AM

I have a bunch of crap, and I spent a lot of today dealing with it. I connected some crap to some other crap, and the crap talks amongst itself. Selves. Whatever. It is crap. I spent a little time telling a big piece of crap all sorts of things about this other crap so it could more easily tell the lesser crap what it should be doing. Crap rules my day, hooray for crap.

It's a good thing all that crap is there, because I would otherwise have to come up with activities. Activities are like crap, but more abstract. Like "crap" that you "do". action crap.

All the crap and activities in the world can't distract me from what's in my brain. Some people call this internal crap activity "thinking", but that would dignify it too much. It's more like: you're on a five hour transpacific flight and you're not sleepy; the in-flight movie is "Operation: Dumbo Drop", and you didn't bring any books (or crap or activities). You don't really want to watch the movie, but it's right in front of you and is getting all the attention you wish you were spending on something worthwhile. That's what is going on in my head.

Some people might call this lack of focus. They might tell me to buckle down and really earn it. Meditate, light a candle, take a dump and do some fucking tai chi. Instead, I'm going to eat.

Eating is a crap activity you can do when you're bored, because your body always sort of likes to eat certain things, unless it is ill. Having too many resources is better than not enough, reasons your metabolism. Let's get a bowl of "frites". Yes, I have a bag of "frites", whatever they are. Yes, I'm really eating them.

When I was little, it seemed like crap was the answer to all my problems. It was clear that if I could just have more crap, I could do anything. The truth is, you can already do everything, and when you do, the necessary crap will arrive somehow. When you wait for crap, you are a prisoner of crap. This is how crap exerts power. Or rather, this is how you escape being responsible for the rut you are in. Poor crap-slave.