April 27, 10:43 PM:
Hello Diane

The one thing about the EMP music museum in Seattle Center that really obtains my goat is the conspicuous absence of any sort of electronic or industrial music history. The exhibits go from the 40's through the 80's and right on up to last year while managing to avoid any mention of Lard, Skinny Puppy, Brian Eno, Jarre, or even Nine Inch Nails for chrissake. You'd think that such a futuristic looking place would have a mention or two of futuristic music. Nope. The closest we get is a TR-808 in a glass case and mention of its use (and samples) on hip-hop records. I suppose it's because Paul Allen just doesn't like that kind of music. He's got a stratocaster and a Marshall amp, and he named his wavy museum the "EXPERIENCE music project", so it's pretty clear that homage to Hendrix and the blues was his primary motivation.

Feels like I've said this before. Probably the last time I went to the EMP.

I'm still ill, but I get around okay. I'm still jobless but not destitute. I'm still disorganized, but my house is nearly "dialed in".

More from etemp.txt:

I can't mope and be nihilistic like I used to. But I've got my ways! One thing I do is to decide that feelings are not an absolute barrier to any action; that they can be sublimated in order to proceed without hesitation. At some point, it seemed to me as if one could bring oneself to do anything, as long as the effort was relatively short-term. Suicide, pet murder, nuclear-bomb button pushing... all of it seemed possible, requiring only a moment or two of suppressed humanity.

I don't really believe that, though. Not anymore. Now I think there are emotional reactions in the human brain which are as solid a barrier to immoral action as a bank vault's door. I could no more strangle a kitten than I could walk through a concrete pillar. Not everyone has the same ethical system, of course, and there are ways to soften and penetrate the moral wall (military aggressiveness training would be a good example, if I knew what I was talking about). But on the whole, I think that if you know what you're doing, there are always things that you will never be able to bring yourself to do.

I feel good about this! It makes me think that I'm not such a bad guy. I'll probably never kill or even severely wound another person. I'm pretty safe to be around (unless you're a flower pot)! All those times mom said I was a sick or bad person, she was probably way off base! That goes for Caroline, too. Ah, Caroline. The weird youngest older sister of mine. Caroline probably believes mom's assertion of sickness. It's holding her down even now. I hope she figures it out someday.