 |  2/3/98 D R U G S I N S P A C E |
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5:50 pm
As I skimmed over other people's writing today, I noticed a common thread between a few of them: People searching for meaning in their lives, displeased with their jadedness to everything. I don't know if it's because I have a habit of trying to be different from everyone else (I know I do, but I'm not sure it's the reason), or if I just hadn't thought of it recently, but I don't really feel like I'm searching for meaning. Meaning shmeaning, why does a blue sky have to mean something? Or a chicken burrito? You won't find meaning in things like that. You can create it yourself (some call this "being delusional") or you can use someone else's made up meaning ("religion"). I find myself doing things like pretending that Coca-cola has meaning ("marketing"). Right this instant, I'm not interested in what things mean, I'm interested in doing things. Like convincing people to give me money for work.
Four more resume responses today, one from Texas. No, I'm not relocating to Texas.
If I notice that I'm doing something just because other people aren't doing it, I try to counter it. I don't necessarily think "other people like it" is a good reason not to do/like something, but the tendency is there. I just want to make decisions without pointless influences (that originate outside my arbitrary little brain). Logical, eh?
Throughout my late childhood (what there was of it), my Mom used to respond to anything I did that she didn't like by assuming that one of my friends did a similiar thing. It was, in fact, completely the opposite. If one of my friends did something, I'd go out of my way to do something different. In this way I felt some peer pressure, but in a backwards way. Maybe that's why I never experimented with drugs. No, I have other conclusions about drugs, but they're too flimsy to really mean anything to someone who isn't me. (Like: "I have this vague feeling that they do something to your clarity of thought") I don't want to disprove them. I have my vague feeling, it's a good enough reason.
I think anti-drug campaigns would be more effective if they weren't so obviously biased. Just like the hempfest would be more effective if the speakers didn't make semi-ridiculous claims about the powers of marijuana. Since the people behind the programs are obviously willing to make half-lies to further the cause, you don't know which parts are 100% true.
Ahh, that's probably asking too much. 100% credibility is a fantasy. But if you had it, you could be an amazing force for truth, spreading it wherever you went. Even if you had bad things to say; what are they gonna do? It's the truth.
(not sure what type of punctuation goes where? Use semicolons!)