• 1:06 AM
  Boy, it sure is monday!

Ok, my update frequency is extremely weak. Gimma a break, I'm a permanent employee of a software company now. Really! Anyway, I went to visit Hawaii for Christmas for the first time in a couple years. Few years? Some time.

This trip is also the first time I have ever brought a girlfriend home from the mainland to meet the family. It took me nearly FOUR YEARS to get around to doing this. That's how long you have to put up with me before you get a trip to Hawaii.

I have, with me, a cellular telephone. This so-called phone also takes pictures. Jeff Bezos would say it was given a "narrow" name. Nobody seems to care, though. They still take pictures with and schedule meetings on this electronic device, known as a "phone" for historical reasons. With this phone, I documented my trip. And so begins our photo-oddysey, almost assuredly the last entry of 2004.

Now here's... no, wait. That's not from our trip. That's Kris. Hi Kris. He is holding up HIS "cell phone", but his really is just a phone. And it's deactivated, too.

On with the vacation pictures. Since I'm from Hawaii to begin with, I don't take pictures of waterfalls or rainbows or any of the scenery, really. It's just pictures of me and Helen in various places! You wanna see what Hawaii looks like, go to the website.

Here we are, starting out in Sea-Tac! Look how happy we are. Look how empty the airport is at 7 am. I am just now noticing that my phone takes pictures backwards in the self-viewfind mode!

They just aren't very good pictures. That's okay, though, the thing is like a credit card, it's so small. I can forgive crappy quality, not trying to be ansel adams here.

There's a little sign over sleeping guy here.
It says "do not unplug" and appears to be pointing right at him.

Okay, we made it to Portland. Notice that I am both less shiny and less happy. All I remember about PDX is that it had a lot of cowboys in it. Oh! And the starbucks doesn't have any forks. Makes it hard to eat your cinnimon roll without getting your phone hand all gross.

We made it to HNL, Honolulu International Airport! Now I am REALLY shiny and don't have the fleece on. This is because it is hot and humid, like the inside of a whale. That is why the whale is Hawaii's national fish.

Just kidding. Hawaii is a state, and the state fish is the humuhumunukunukuapua'a. You'd be surprised how many people don't understand that it is a state. It's stolen from a native people, like all the other states. Why wouldn't it be a state? Just because it is located out in the middle of 3000 miles of ocean?

We made it to the hotel room! We are so happy that our teeth are showing. The Helen in the mirror is actually FORWARDS due to the reversery of the camera. You can tell by the part in her hair! WHOAA HEAD TRIP. I don't think I'm really this orange. Mom is, but I have no pictures of her.

Starbucks, Ala Moana. Ala Moana was the biggest mall in the world when it was constructed. Now it is back in 6th place or so.

Starbucks is exactly the same everywhere. They put in the same furniture, same merchandise, same little doodads on the walls. Starbucks takes old decrepit buildings (like the ANDY'S DINER in Kaneohe) and turns them into clones of some prototype Starbucks_001. This isn't necessarily bad. You ever see Andy's diner? Gross buckets.

One note about the merch: they do alter it ever so slightly per locale. Changes range from different inserts in the hot cups, shown above, to relabeling the flower pattern mug (which they sell everywhere) as "hawaiian lei mug".

Here's my little brother, Ian. He is wearing a leather trenchcoat in 80 degree, incredibly humid weather. How humid? Look in the background. The FLOOR is sweating. I remember doing stuff like this when I was in high school.

Ian is also wearing a communist-party-of-China-like hat with a red star on the front. I don't know if he knows what it is. I think he thinks it's just something that characters in "Dragon Ball Z" wear.

Later, I asked my mom if my maternal Grandfather was a communist, since my Chinese name seems a teeny bit "power of the people!"-like. Her answer: "No! He hated Communists! He left China to get away from them. If you called him a Communist, he'd kill you." So I guess not.

Here I am being blurry at Mom's house. Finally had a chance to switch to contacts. I'm getting started on opening all the cupboards in the kitchen, too.

Let's see, what is there to eat in here? Probably healthy Chinese stuff, huh?

These guys were all stacked on top of the fridge. I don't know why woodwork Santa thinks he can join the pasquale mustache club. He's not even a food mascot, unless you count coke.

New pringles logo guy looks like a relative of the zoloft emotion blob. Beanie says if she were going to eat a non-food snack, pringles seem to be the least offensive.

Christmas day, we're opening our presents in a big goddamn hurry, squeezed in between swimming at Waikiki (not the best beach, but very convenient) and getting to the airport at 12.

There was a Christmas tree shortage in Hawaii, such that even shortish trees were carrying price tags of over $100. Mom's solution: Christmas Houseplant. Yes, all of Mom's houseplants are bigger than an industrial xerox machine. Note that Mom also keeps her TV in a place such that when you sit in front of it, you are not facing the TV. Just like my house!

We made it to the HNL terminal, ready to go home. Despite appearances, neither of us is wearing makeup, I think the camera/phone is confused by the clamorous aloha in the background. I especially like how my head comes straight out of my neck, like Beeker. Or one of Terry Colon's cartoon people in "Suck".

There are also pictures in the digital camera which DOESN'T make phone calls. Those ones are probably much clearer, but they're at Helen's house. Next update, unless it's like ten years from now.