Today I met Bob, a cousin of Helen. Helen, of course, is the woman who I've found to be increasingly compelling. I'm starting to meet more of her family. Getting back on topic, Bob is a fire captain. Since he has trained truckloads of firefighters, there's no better person to answer my inane questions about the hose. Earlier this year, I wondered about firemen and their relation to the hose. Obviously, a lot of hose is involved in their job. I figured they might not call it "the hose", like I do. They probably have specific names for different kinds of hoses and such, perhaps even giving certain hoses anthropomorphic names. (Male names, I'd think. Mr. Hose.) Bob set me straight. They call it "hose". But not "the hose". There are many kinds of hose, ranging from the "1 and 3 quarter inch" to the "five inch", and you could be really specific about it's type ("double walled cotton"). For fighting wildlife fires they have special itty bitty hoses ("toy hose" or "play hose") for some reason. All the hoses have specific purposes. What I'll ask next time I see him is, what are all those different trucks for? I figure the "pump" probably impels water through a hose or two. And the hook and ladder is for reaching high things. But there's some other, more general-purpose looking trucks out there. And what exactly is the deal with Medic One, anyhow? I'm sure Bob knows the answers to all this stuff. And I'm eventually going to ask him. Pity any relative of Helen's that works for UPS.

Oh yeah. And I beat Helen and her Grrrma at Scrabble tonight. Grrrma is a scrabble enthusiast. Last time, she schooled both of us. Tonight, I felt extra ogre-like as I defeated this quiet diabetic octogenarian at her favorite game. Yay me.

You are jamming the hose into my nose -- Spigot (Tristan A. Farnon's comedy test pilot on Jerkcity)

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