Today was the big EYE EXAM. Since the end of the year is nigh, it's time for all those with unused health benefits to make the rounds amongst the spectrum of physicians. Today was eyes for me. Since eye doctor visits are so infrequent, each one features conspicuous advances in eye-related technology. An example from today would be uncolored glaucoma test drops (in previous visits, they would tinge my eyes and vision yellow for an hour or so), and the mini-planetarium-like eye test machine which probably measures sensitivity in different parts of the retina. The doctor was having a absent-minded day, thinking it was Wednesday yesterday, and twice giving me instructions which were supposed to accompany the test AFTER the one I was about to take. She mentioned that a lot of rigid lens wearers seem to come in at the end of the year. I suggested that soft lenses had to be replaced more frequently, and thus soft lens owners had already burned through their insurance benefits, whereas hard lens wearers would be in my position, using up leftover benefits at the end of the year out of concern for lost opportunity more than real necessity.

Apparently I have very big eyeballs, and the edges of my retina are stretching out. This is some kinda warning sign indicating risk for future retinal detachment. Of course, it may be a mere coincidence that this would bring me into the doctor's office more frequently and thus increase her revenue, but I doubt it. Helen's eye doctor said the same things. Hilariously, the laser treatment used in cases where detachment seems likely has apparently no statistical effect on whether or not the condition worsens, according to surveys of treated vs. untreated patients. So, I guess I won't be seeing a retina specialist to scar down the edges of my stretchy retina. How many times do I normally mention retinas in one day? Almost none, I would imagine. I'm getting a full year's quota of retina-related context in just one day. Retina metaphors! Retina T-shirts! Happy retina day.

The other funny thing in the optometrist department was the glasses assistant guy, "Brett". I somehow got him into a discussion of lens coatings, and he got all nostalgic for Nikon's sunglasses, and went unprofitably on about them for 5 minutes. Both Brett and the doctor started talking about lenses in very technical terms after I told them how I found the office (they are listed on the Zeiss optics website, which I went to following my purchase of a camera with a relatively sharp, contrasty zeiss tessar lens.), but then stopped when I said I was a computer programmer.

Then, I couldn't read. Whatever eyedrops I was given made my pupils huge, which made it hard to see close up objects very sharply. The effect wore off in 3 hours, but in that time I had several frustrating shopping, dining, and computing experiences. I eventually resorted to music composition, since it doesn't require very accurate vision. I came up with some stuff, then asked my online friends for inspiration. What I got was a cryptic statement about freshly scrubbed puppies and submarine welding. Thus:

Abyssal Welding Pup

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