There's no good reason to use cold water. Why don't I use warm water? It doesn't hurt at all. Ummm... I must like the pain. Yeah, that makes lots of sense. Why be half-assed about it? I'm gonna brush my teeth with a wire brush and floss with steel wool. Then I'm going to wear sandpaper underwear and put hurricane tacks in my shoes. Finally, I'll move back in with Mom. If I can't go to hell, I'll simulate as best I can.

Uh, right. So I'm walking down the Ave. with Le'a, and these two black guys dressed as police officers are walking down the sidewalk towards us. I assume that they're going somewhere up the Ave., so I walk on the right half of the sidewalk, in the fashion taught to me in kindergarten. A little before we pass them, I turn to Le'a to ask her what she was planning to get for dinner. Four steps later, two sharp cracking noises. We're both lying flat in the gutter, one of the cops has been shot in the torso, and the other one is crouched next to us, gun drawn, yelling something into...

No, what really happened is I went to Kris' house today and brought lots of MIDI gear and Le'a was there and we all sat around talking and playing with musical noises. Isn't that serene? Le'a bought most of a bed, and it was delivered to Kris' house today. No doubt they are both enjoying this new bed right now, as they no longer have to sleep edgewise. (Sleeping edgewise in a very narrow plot of bed real estate is a good way to lose all circulation in the bottom arm.)

Time to be bitchy. So, what have I to complain about right this instant?

• Extreme defensive reactions

Why does this displease me? Well, for one it seems like a possible overreaction. Something about grandstanding goes against my grain. I'm thinking it's Chinese conditioning or something. Coming to the mainland and seeing everyone doing their own big deal thing was certainly a change from Hawaii. Even the mokes weren't big on proclaiming themselves king of the known universe. It was more like a "I goin' get my cousins" power in unity thing. O' course, we got the same web in Hawaii that we do here. Back then, though, I didn't know that people considered the web glamorous. Oh dear, I think I slipped and acknowledged that I'm talking about some kind of big defensive deal on the web. Er, not that this kind of thing doesn't happen between people all the time anyway. It's usually kind of private, though. Oh, I know what it is! There's this big standing assumption throughout like, "WE CARE". I mean, obviously we aren't completely indifferent because we're putting up a kind of sniping little link, but why would we care so much about someone that wasn't us or ours? Well, that's enough on the war of coolness.

No it isn't. I've seen some kind of condescending references to "cliques". Oh NO, WE don't believe in CLIQUES. The little group of people I hang out with is something else. Um, like a drum circle. But on the web. A WEB CIRCLE! Yeah, it's not a clique, it's a web circle. No wait, it's a commune. no wait, it's a blob. No, it's wakalixes. An ELITE wakalixes CLIQUE! Ho!

("Wakalixes" is a nonsense word, used by Richard Feynman to explain what scientists mean when they say "instinct".)

By now I've stopped thinking things out before writing them down. Sometimes I find myself disagreeing with something I said by the time I'm done saying it. I'm not gonna erase it though. Is there a difference between erasing an opinion you had a year ago and erasing an opinion you had ten seconds ago? Well, yeah, but I won't do either, because if the act of writing something down changes what I think about that thing, I could end up rewriting one sentence over and over for two hours, changing it every time I write it because I've thought about it some more. Taking a snapshot of what I think at one point in time is more important to me than being right. If I want to be right, I'll do it somewhere else. Ah, that feels nice.

I wonder if it confuses people when you change your mind while talking about something. Should you warn them that you're changing your mind? "Whup...hold on, my opinion is changing. Now I agree with you." It's hard to argue with someone that keeps changing their mind. It's probably not even necessary. It's, like, rilly rilly hard to hit a moving target.

Okay, I'm changing my mind now. Now I think that it's unfair to be mad at someone for being mad. No wait, nevermind. Okay, now I think it's fair, but very pointless.

If I think about anything for long enough, it arrives at "It's pointless". Great, I've just removed that word from my useful vocabulary.

Well, it's pointless unless "It's fun/good right NOW" is a good reason. Then things can have point.

God, I just ramble and ramble for pages. My teeth don't hurt anymore, I just can't stop. At this point I can't tell if I'm pointing at myself and laughing or just being inane because I get off on it so much. It's 7:19 am. I will sleep and not worry about things for a while. Yes, I am laming out.