• 1:05 AM
  Chicken Tenders!

Grocery shopping day! How I would love to share the mystery of shopping with all those who have never had the privilege. Maybe I can convince Brett to take up the video camera of documentarianism once again and have him follow me around a grocery store while I demonstrate the proper way to select between the different colors of sugar, various cruelty-levels of eggs, and the suspiciously chameleonic store-brand versions of even such unique things as circular chocolate sandwich cookies with white filling and manhole-cover-like patterns on the top and bottom (also known as "cuckoo products").

If there actually were a documentary about my grocery shopping habits (which would be titled "Food Doofus"), it would have to include things like the plural noun->present tense verb game ("Fish sticks!") which can actually be played continuously during the whole errand ("Donut holes!") but is really only fun if you are shopping with someone ("Waffle cones!") who is also playing.

While waiting for a couple to get out of the way of the green onions, I noticed that the couple was actually the same girl twice, polarized into dark and light versions. One with crow black hair, the other with overexposed blonde. They probably weren't alternative universe versions of the same person - this is Capitol Hill after all. They probably have to sync up when the time comes to change hair, to make sure they don't accidentally change into the same person and annihilate each other.