It's 4:30 am, the perfect time to ruin your normal sleep schedule by staying awake. And what am I awake doing? I know, it looks a whole lot like sitting here, but really I'm planning my next move. No, PLOTTING. Plotting that move. Such that when I finally do move, so much thought will have gone into said move that it will have devastating effect. Yes. Like the samurai duelists of old, a vicious fight between who might appear to be two motionless people. They know that the very first move is the difference between life and death. They were known to remain statues for hours, until finally someone found their moment and struck! And one or both of them fell lifeless to the ground.

In my case, I'm trying to figure out how to brush my teeth AFTER I go to sleep. This would be perfect because you don't need your hands or your mouth for anything while you sleep (if you're actually sleeping) Also: reading books, watching movies, and playing video games after I'm asleep. Perhaps this is more feasible than staying awake all the time. I made a little progress a couple nights ago, when I dreamed I was participating in some sort of game show.

I will sit here some more, and everything waits on my action. The bookcases wait to be assembled. The house waits to be packed up and moved. My academic career waits to be reawakened. My body isn't waiting, though. It just keeps getting older

Twenty years from now, if I'm still alive, the things that are wrong with my body right now will seem pleasant and desirable in contrast to whatever is wrong with me by that time. My dread of decrepitude is dulled a little by my faith in medical technology. I just want what doctors wish they could give me - perfect health. Maybe it will be available in 2022? I doubt it. If it is, I promise to eat my words and a baseball hat. Even if I were perfectly healthy, I'd still get down about things once in a while.

Fortunately, my personal brand of depression (the normal kind) reacts reasonably well to a form of therapy known as "moping". You mope, you're done, you're not depressed.

0.0 / 0.0